Saturday January 30th was a Saturday like any other in the life of a beerventurer. Wakeup, shower, pee in shower, brush teeth, cook half a dozen eggs, make bacon, drink orange juice, forget you had brushed teeth; the usual. After all is said and done, you hope to hit the road and be at the first brewery by opening. A very standard beerventure day, right?
Wrong. Driving through the NJ/NYC area is never a standard day. Why? Because the never ending maze of highways, byways, bridges and tolls make no sense and should be nuked from orbit. Immediate left exits after a toll booth when you’re all the way right in another EasyPass lane? Sure, you can cut over 8 lanes! NBD.
Unless you’re a local of the cluster f*ck known as Newark/Jersey City, you might as well chuck your GPS enabled cellphone out of the window and stick to street signs because Google Maps won’t know that the goddamn Bayonne Bridge is closed for construction on weekends after you accidentally take 78 to 440 South because you missed that stupid left exit onto 95 because of that stupid toll intersection that combines 8 lanes into a no lane, 100 foot stretch of concrete with a hundred cars a second trying to race the ghost of Paul Walker to a plethora of exits and connectors. /rant
But Andrew, why are you so upset, just backtrack bro. Yeah, and tack on another $10 in tolls and 45 minute detour to the Goethals. Seriously, who the f*ck thought that tollbooth and maze of highways converging in one location was a good idea? The only way I could explain how it happened is that there must have been a dozen professional and expensive proposals submitted to the highway department, and then a crayon map from a coloring book submitted by Michael J. Fox.
Staten Island:
So over the river and through a concrete road rage jungle we find ourselves driving through what I can only assume was the ghetto on this misfit borough known as Staten Island. Then poof, I remembered a fun Snapple™ Fact. There is currently only one brewery on Staten Island. 1. Uno. Un. All of that work for ONE brewery. Flagship Brewing better not disappoint.
Finally made it to Flagship Brewing and much to my delight there was fenced in, brewery parking and NO line at 1pm in the afternoon. Take that Two-Roads bottle release pleabs. You may have Igor, but I have Staten Islands best.
Like most breweries, Flagship had its standard beer fair without much deviation from the norm. APA, IPA, lager. But with eight of their own beers on draft, there really was something for everyone. So what did we get? All eight of course. The APA and lager left much to be desired to anyone seeking an adventurous beer. The IPA and 2X IPA were well refined. Any hop head would appreciate a pint or two of these flavorful beverages. The 2X even managed to hit 10% abv without producing that off-putting rubbing alcohol flavor; so cheers to Flagship on a job well done. The main event and must try beers of Flagship were unequivocally the witbier and dark ale (VAN DAM). Witbier and winter just never seems to do it for me, but that vanilla dark ale had made a tempting offer to get another round. If only we had the time.
Flagship earned a satisfying 4 near-miss, 95 South related traffic accidents out of 5.
Brooklyn:
After Staten Island we were off to find this massive, probably macro scale brewery; Coney Island. Melissa, the GPS says we’re here… Where is it? Wait, that little bar with the patio? The one with the big-titted snowwoman with the pointy stick nipples? No sh*t. The miracles of contract brewing had me fooled again. Wedged between a bar and a credit union in MCU Park was the famous Coney Island Brewery.
Bar seating was less than roomy, maybe eight chairs at the bar and a standing only side bar against the opposite wall. The beer offering was exactly what you would expect from Coney Island; Mermaid Pilsner, Plunge Witbier, the Overpass IPA and the ever popular Hard Root Beer. But there was one unusual beer. The Hot Toddy. While it’s not exactly what a Hot Toddy tastes like, I’d like to award creativity points to this unusual strong ale. The most unusual part about this? They had a sixtel on a hot plate to serve the beer at 120 degrees. Not my cup of tea, but again it was unusual and creative.
I’d imagine that Coney Island is a pretty boss summer hang out. They have a spacious patio, right on the beach and just a few hundred feet away from a Ritas. Coney Island has its average beers, but I’m looking forward to more of the unique blends this summer. Hopefully they come up with a strawberry + custard Ritas beer.
Coney Island earns a solid 3 merpeople out of 5. Lets get weird. Seriously though, have you ever seen the Mermaid parade?
Beerventuring is only as fun as the people you meet or bring along. This weeks third wheel of choice was none other than the infamous Mike (REDACTED). After waking him up at the insanely early hour of 2 in the afternoon, we dragged him to our final two breweries of the day.
The flight game looked strong at Strong Rope. From one of the most beautiful tap systems I’ve ever seen flowed nine offering from home and one guest tap; a cider. Melissa was all excited to take a great lineup photo of their offering. Which is always bitter sweet. On one hand, we get a great photo for Instagram and a cherished memory of Brewery #210. On the other hand, she’s a perfectionist. There is usually sometime between “let me take a picture” and the first sips; some 3 to 5 minutes later.
Lets get to the beer. It was not my favorite. Out of the nine, Falling Squirrel Project #4 was really the only thing I wanted drink again. Nothing was bad at Strong Rope, but nothing peaked my curiosity or pallet. It was your average wheelhouse of beers.
Strong Rope gets a disappointing 2.5 bowlines out of 5.
Queens:
Last up was Bridge and Tunnel brewery, which to my disappointment was neither in a bridge nor a tunnel. It was land locked in the middle of Queens in a seemingly abandoned industrial building. Certain parts of Queens are pretty sketch, but this area was that special kind of sketch that made me dream of my replacement car after learning my ’05 BMW got jacked. My dream car is a Tesla by the way. And my birthday is in September. *wink
Right off the bat you notice that B&TB is a locals watering hole. Everyone is having a blast. The atmosphere is loud with laughter and music and there is an endless supply of popcorn magically replenishing itself at the tables. It was an entertaining break from the quieter, popcorn-less, venues we had visited earlier.
B&TB had nine brews on draft as well as two kombuchas. As far as beer goes, they were also very standard.
The two that stuck out to me were the Twenty Spot and a Switchblade, and Bound by Chains Double Rye. Switchblade is a perfectly balanced and crisp cream ale that made my personal favorite cream ale, Genny Cream, seem like distilled water. The Double Rye was a pallet soothing double IPA. At only 8% though, I’m hesitant to really acknowledge its alleged imperial status. The real winning pour of this brewery was its kombuchas. At a whopping 1% abv, the two tea blends (regular and berry) were a satisfying reward for a hard days work.
With a fun atmosphere, never ending popcorn bowl and unusual offering of kombucha, Bridge and Tunnel Brewery earned itself 3 alligators out of 5. If you want to get the joke, you have to visit the brewery. And if you do go, bring cash. No plastic accepted.
Thanks for reading and keep venturing.
-Andrew
